Sunday, 4 August 2013
Welcome Komrad Snowden
Edward, welcome. First, I’d like to warn you about our summer: we don’t have one.
Three weeks of heat, five thousand Twitter and Facebook moans about how damn hot it is and then back to moderately frostbite-inducing weather, complete with just enough humidity to make your limbs get all puffy and sausage-like in appearance.
By the way, you've already missed the allotted three, but so did I (coincidentally, in the same locale, though I did get to spend a day in Cuba, so thank you for that) – see? We already have something in common.
Secondly, no matter what your plans are, where and however you want to settle in – most of your time will be spent in traffic.
You see, you’ll probably acquire some friends very quickly – what with all the notoriety and knowledge of spiffy ways of getting around computer networks, I’m assuming there is already an army of people who are willing to bend over backwards in order to get your attention long enough for an Instagram-Twitter opportunity. They'll pick you up and take you places. Hold on to your glasses.
Your friends will explain that Russia sucks, Moscow does, too, and on a grander scale; the only place to be is Strelka (meaning Arrow in English, but also a kinda prison-slang term for a “meeting”) – a bar/restaurant/art institute for the hip, intellectually-upbeat and disdainful. But the cocktails are splendid.
You’ll get dragged to a seemingly endless number of bars, restaurants and cafes – you see, Muscovites have just passed through the either McDee’s and Cola or oysters and Petrus stage of culinary evolution (depending on the budget or whoever happens to be looking at the moment), and have finally evolved into species capable of understanding that cuisine can involve a bit more whim and fancy than a blob of mayo and some caviar on top. They’re incredibly proud of a myriad of such establishments popping up on every corner in Moscow, and are loudly proclaiming certain neighborhoods to be the closest thing to Greenwich Village east of Long Island.
Take Some Time To Settle In And Learn To Love Life Russian Style